St. Mark’s Catholic Church
Getting Married

This information is intended to give basic information on marriage preparation in the Catholic Church at St. Mark’s Parish. It cannot substitute for a conversation with the pastor about your specific situation and needs, but it can provide you with a sense of the normal requirements and procedures at St. Mark’s Church.

In their pastoral plan on ministry with young adults, Sons and Daughters of the Light, the US Catholic Bishops said, Young adults approach the Church to be married for a number of reasons, including parental pressure, the desire to have a church wedding, or to reunite themselves with the Church.

Regardless of why they come, the Church and its ministers need to welcome them as Christ welcomes them, with understanding, love, and acceptance, challenging them with the gospel message, and giving them hope that a lifelong commitment is possible.

We hope you experience this hospitality and welcoming throughout your marriage preparation process. It is in this spirit that we offer you this guide to Getting Married at St. Mark Catholic Church.

Catholic teaching about marriage
For most people marriage is one of the most important decisions and realities of their life; in it they form a community of love. For Catholics, marriage is not merely a civil contract but is a covenant between a man and a woman before God. If both are baptized, the marriage is a sacrament, a symbol of the unity of Christ and the Church. A sacramental marriage is a means of grace, giving strength to the husband and wife to live out their commitment, and to help each on the path to holiness.

As you prepare for marriage, you'll be asked to reflect carefully and prayerfully on the nature of this sacrament. Before we look at some of the steps of that preparation process, consider some of the points made in the Catechism of the Catholic Church (references are to paragraph number):

• 1660 The marriage covenant, by which a man and a woman form with each other an intimate communion of life and love, has been founded and endowed with its own special laws by the Creator. By its very nature it is ordered to the good of the couple, as well as to the generation and education of children. Christ the Lord raised marriage between the baptized to the dignity of a sacrament...
• 1661 The sacrament of Matrimony signifies the union of Christ and the Church. It gives spouses the grace to love each other with the love with which Christ has loved his Church; the grace of the sacrament thus perfects the human love of the spouses, strengthens their indissoluble unity, and sanctifies them on the way to eternal life.
• 1662 Marriage is based on the consent of the contracting parties, that is, on their will to give themselves, each to the other, mutually and definitively, in order to live a covenant of faithful and fruitful love.

Any marriage involving a Catholic is subject to Church norms known as "canon law." Catholics are obliged to marry in the Catholic Church, following the marriage rite of the Catholic Church. Their exchange of vows must be witnessed by either a priest or deacon and two other witnesses. A Catholic can receive permission to marry a non-Catholic and they may be married in the church of the non-Catholic party, but if their exchange of vows will be witnessed by a minister of that denomination, the Catholic must seek a written dispensation from the local Catholic Bishop. Any priest or deacon can assist in this matter.

Preparing for marriage
First, notify the parish! Most couples reserve a reception location as much as a year in advance. Before you do that, or contract with a photographer, or think about invitations, or make any other agreements, you need to talk to your parish.

Diocesan guidelines say you should do so at least 6 months before the time you'd like to get married. Be sure to allow extra time if either of you require an annulment. Both bride and groom must be active in the practice of their faith. Either the bride or groom must be a registered member of St. Mark Parish.

Once you speak with the pastor, you'll begin a formal process of marriage preparation. The Catechism of the Catholic Church explains:

• 1632 So that the "I do" of the spouses may be a free and responsible act and so that the marriage covenant may have solid and lasting human and Christian foundations, preparation for marriage is of prime importance.

Preparation for marriage involves a process of discernment, which is meant to be an affirming experience as you become more aware of your readiness to enter Christian married life. This process is meant to help you assess your personal faith and your relational readiness, not to make those judgments for or about you.

Initial interview
The process begins when you sit down for an initial conversation with the pastor who will be responsible for your marriage preparation. This shouldn't be done over the phone or with the parish secretary. This is an opportunity for you to get to know one another, to explain the marriage preparation process, to determine that you are free to marry (according to Church law and civil law), and to identify any special needs or requests you may have regarding the wedding (place, long-distance preparation, etc.).

You'll be told about the different documents you'll need to provide (recent copies of your baptismal certificates, any necessary permissions or dispensations, and, if necessary, affidavit of free status, annulment papers, or death certificate of previous spouse).

Once you have met with Father  you may contact our Wedding Planning Assistant if you need additional help with wedding questions. She is prepared to assist you with everything from ceremony planning to on-site reception coordination.

Faith readiness
One of the most important aspects of the discernment process is the assessment of your faith readiness. Because the marriage of two baptized Christians is a sacrament, it requires the presence of faith in those who receive it. No two people are at the same place in their journey of faith, however. Through the marriage preparation process, you should be able to better identify and deepen your faith, both as individuals and as a couple.

Marriage readiness
Another aspect of the discernment process looks at your readiness to marry. While there is no possible way to determine this definitively, there are clear indicators that can predict potential problems or even the areas for discussion.

Couples Now Living Together
You are aware that the Catholic Church does not approve of couples living together before marriage, nor is such a living arrangement in harmony with gospel values. We are happy to witness your marriage so that your living arrangements can be brought into harmony with God’s laws. However, we would strongly encourage you to consider living apart during this very critical time of discernment. It is profoundly important that your choice to marry is one that is made with total freedom, and that freedom can more readily be achieved if you are not already living together. We know that God will bless your decision to live separately. If you cannot do so, however, we encourage you to receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation prior to your wedding.

Formational programs
This part of the marriage preparation process is intended to help you understand better both the human and Christian aspects of marriage, and to introduce you to persons and resources that are available to help strengthen your marriage. Any formational program should include discussion of the following "key elements":

• The context of marriage today
• Communication and conflict resolution
• The meaning of permanence and ongoing forgiveness
• The role of faith, prayer, and Church attendance and participation within marriage
• The roles, expectations, and responsibilities within marriage
• Self-awareness, personal healing and individual growth
• Sex and Sexuality
• The value of children and responsible Catholic parenting

Third meeting with Father: The third meeting is a meeting set aside for paperwork. This meeting should take place not less than 60 days prior to the wedding. You will need to bring your Engaged Encounter and Natural Family Planning certificates along with your signed Affidavits of Free Status. The Catholic party/parties will need to bring newly issued baptismal certificates and, if one is not Catholic, her/she will need to bring some proof of baptism. Also at this meeting, if this marriage is to be an interfaith marriage, the Catholic will be asked to sign a document that states that he/she intends to remain Catholic and that all children of the marriage will be baptized Catholic. Estimated time: 45 minutes

Meet with the Music Director: Your meeting with the Music Director, can take place anytime in the process, but it is preferable to have met at least 60 days prior to the wedding.

Fourth meeting with Father: The fourth and final meeting should take place two to three weeks from the wedding. At this meeting, please bring your marriage license and all checks for the Church, the Music Minister, and the priest or deacon. You will have the opportunity at this time to discuss the liturgy and to go over the program, if you plan to have one. Estimated time: 45 minutes.

The Wedding Mass -Ceremony
Where will the wedding take place?
To highlight the sacredness of the celebration, and to underscore the relationship between your marriage and the Christian community, the Catholic Church stipulates that Catholic weddings take place in Catholic churches.

Permission will not be given for outdoor weddings or unusual locations. Normally, the wedding will be celebrated in the parish where either of the Catholic parties resides. If you are marrying a non-Catholic Christian or a non-baptized person, you may request permission to have the wedding take place elsewhere (e.g., in another Christian church or a synagogue or in another suitable place).

Preparing the liturgy
The wedding liturgy, like all other sacramental celebrations, is by its very nature communal--a celebration of the whole Church. Yet it is unique in being the only sacrament where it is the couple themselves who are the ministers of the sacrament; the priest is a witness.

Catholic weddings follow the general norms for liturgical celebrations, but there are a number of options available for you to choose that will enable you to enrich the celebration with expressions of your own faith.

The priest will assist you in understanding the nature of the liturgy, and the various options and choices available regarding music, readings, and the ritual. Reflecting prayerfully on these together can be an important part of your spiritual preparation for the sacrament.

The wedding liturgy should be planned to encourage the participation of the assembly through song and prayer. It should express both your faith and commitment and that of the gathered community. It provides an opportunity for the community to pray for you, and to promise you their support in your married life.

Ministries of the liturgy
There are a variety of ministries in each liturgical celebration. Some roles can only be filled by a Roman Catholic (for example, an Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion); other ministries, like that of reader, can be done by qualified persons of other faith traditions. Take care in selecting and preparing people to fill these roles, making sure they have the skills and gifts necessary.

The Rite
The Church provides three different rites for marriage:

1. a sacramental rite during the Eucharist, which is the usual (but not mandatory) form when both parties are Catholic;
2. a sacramental rite outside Eucharist, which is the proper form when one party is baptized, but not Catholic;
3. a non-sacramental rite between a Catholic and an unbaptized person.

The Liturgy of the Word follows the format as at any mass. The readings may be selected from the many options given in the lectionary, or may be other appropriate Scriptures. Non-scriptural readings are not used.

The psalm is sung, as is the gospel acclamation. The general intercessions should address the needs of the world and the universal Church as well as the needs of the couple.

For the Rite of Marriage, the couple should be clearly visible to the entire assembly as they exchange vows, because they are the focus of the rite.

Music
Our parish has specific policies about music. Be sure to ask. In general, when deciding what music to use, consider the following questions:

1. Is this a well-written piece of music?
2. Are the text and music in keeping with the nature of the liturgy?
3. Can the music be used to help the assembly to pray?

Secular love songs and ballads that have personal meaning to the couple are best played or sung at the reception.

Cultural adaptations
The Church allows cultural adaptations within the ceremony as long as they are in keeping with the nature and spirit of the liturgy. Such adaptations should not be overpowering, though. Be careful not to duplicate symbols that might have similar meanings; for example, the lasso and the unity candle are both cultural adaptations which emphasize the union of two persons into a new life in Christ.

The wedding rehearsal
This may be conducted by the priest or deacon witnessing the marriage. This is part of the preparation process, and offers an excellent opportunity for the wedding party to join together in prayer. The Catechism notes,

• 1622 "It is ... appropriate for the bride and groom to prepare themselves for the celebration of their marriage by receiving the sacrament of penance";

After the wedding …
In the months of marriage preparation, you're not simply preparing for an hour long wedding, but for a lifetime together--a lifetime of joy and happiness, we hope, but also of surprises and challenges. The best marriage preparation can never anticipate all that will happen in your life together, but it can help assist as you live together all the days of your married life!

Of Note
Marriage Times
Saturdays after 11:00 a.m. or must begin by 2:00 p.m. The Wedding Party must be completely out of the Church by 3:30 p.m. Weddings do not take place on Saturday evenings, Sundays, during Lent or Advent or other days of parish events.

Dressing for the Wedding
Men in the wedding party are to come to the church already dressed for the wedding. It is recommended that bridesmaids do likewise. The bride’s room [Classroom] is in the back of the Church. Nothing of value should be left in the room during the ceremony. The room is to be cleaned after the wedding.

Food, Drink and Clean up
Food and Drink is forbidden in the church. However, food and drink is allowed in the back area. Alcohol is not allowed anywhere on the Church Campus. Anyone in the wedding party partaking in any consumption of alcohol before, during or immediately after the wedding will jeopardize the wedding ceremony from occurring.

The wedding party is responsible for cleaning up the Church, Lower Level and Bride’s Room following the wedding. Please ask someone to remove any boxes, bows, tissues, programs etc. when the ceremony is completed. A rule of thumb: What you have brought into the Church when you arrived, you are expected take with you when you leave!

Decorations
St. Mark Church is very beautiful and so it is recommended that additional decorations be kept simple. If the wedding takes place when the church is decorated for a liturgical feast or season, church decoration may not be disturbed. Flowers may be placed near the altar, but never on it or in any way which will obstruct view or movement. Candelabra and aisle candles are not permitted in the church. If bows are used, they are to be fastened in place by elastic or ribbon, never with tape, wire or tacks. If you choose to have the unity candle, it is your responsibility to provide the candles.

Photographs and Video
Those assigned to photograph and video your wedding must do this a professional manner. They are not permitted in the Sanctuary (altar) and must complete their work 30 minutes following the ceremony. You are encouraged to take wedding pictures prior to the ceremony.

Take Note
Throwing rice is strictly forbidden. Nor is confetti, birdseeds or flower petals permitted. Aisle runners are not permitted. Guest Book registry is not recommended due to the fact that most people arrive a few minutes before the start of the wedding. Signing the guest book, delays the start of the wedding. We suggest featuring the Guest Book Registry at the entry to your reception.

Music
Music is an integral part of the wedding liturgy. When the Mass is celebrated, all parts of the Mass are sung and led by the Cantor. The couple will need to meet with the parish’s Liturgical Music Minister to plan the music. The Diocesan Guidelines must be followed in selecting music for a wedding in Church whether is a Mass or Ceremony. Sacred music is the only choice for weddings.

Other secular music is more suitable for your reception. Vocalists are not to “perform” but to lead you and your guests in prayer. The use of an outside vocalist, while not encouraged, is permitted. The vocalist must have prior experience and not be just a friend with a nice voice. We ask that you use our Parish organist and musicians since they are familiar with the Catholic Marriage Ritual. Permission from the parish’s Liturgical Music Minister will be required for use of sound equipment.

Fees (March 1, 2008)

A _______ fee is required for the Engaged Encounter Weekend.
The Diocese has set the fee for organists at $100.00. Cantors and vocalists are $75.00.
An offering of $200.00 is the standard fee for the use of the Church for a Wedding.
An offering for the priest is requested. The normal custom is $100.00.
Altar Servers and Wedding Planners are permitted to receive a small stipend.
All fees are due on MONDAY prior to the wedding date. Fees can be either mailed to the parish office or dropped off during normal business hours.

Wedding Liturgy within Mass

Date of Wedding:____________________Bride:____________________Groom:___________________

Prelude(s) __________________________________________________
    *Seating of Grandparents
Processional Instrumental _____________________________________

Processional Order
Server (s)
Presider
Groom and his parents
Mother of the Bride and escort; (Family member, husband, usher)
Wedding Party – Bridesmaids and Groomsmen
Maid of Honor and Best Man
    *Ring Bearer and Flower Girl
Bride and Father (Parents)
    *Parent’s lighting of the unity candle (Instrumental music)

Introductory Rites
Sign of the Cross + Greeting + Opening Prayer

Liturgy of the Word
Reading One (OT) ___________________________________________

Psalm (Sung)________________________________________________

Reading Two (NT)___________________________________________
Great Alleluia
Gospel_____________________________________________________
Homily

Rite of Marriage
Consent
Exchange of Vows
Blessing and Exchange of Rings
Blessing Prayer
    *Lightning of the Unity Candle
(Instrumental music)
Intercessions (Proclaimed by Presider or reader(s))

Liturgy of the Eucharist
Preparation of the Gifts Song ____________________________________
Eucharistic Acclamations
Eucharistic Prayer
Lord’s Prayer
Sign of Peace Song ____________________________________________
(The couple will offer peace to wedding party and parents)

    *Presentation to Mary Song _____________________________________
Lamb of God
Communion Song _____________________________________________
Communion Prayer

Closing Rite
Blessing + Introduction + Dismissal
Recessional_____________________________________________

*optional

Wedding Liturgy outside of Mass

Date of Wedding:____________________Bride:____________________Groom:___________________

Prelude(s) __________________________________________________
    *Seating of Grandparents
Processional Instrumental _____________________________________

Processional Order
Server (s)
Presider
Groom and his parents
Mother of the Bride and escort; (Family member, husband, usher)
Wedding Party – Bridesmaids and Groomsmen
Maid of Honor and Best Man
    *Ring Bearer and Flower Girl
Bride and Father (Parents)
    *Parent’s lighting of the unity candle (Instrumental music)

Introductory Rites
Sign of the Cross + Greeting + Opening Prayer

Liturgy of the Word
Reading One (OT) ___________________________________________

Psalm (Sung)________________________________________________

Reading Two (NT)___________________________________________
Great Alleluia
Gospel_____________________________________________________
Homily

Rite of Marriage
Consent
Exchange of Vows
Blessing and Exchange of Rings
Blessing Prayer
    *Lightning of the Unity Candle
(Instrumental music)
Intercessions (Proclaimed by Presider or reader (s)
Lord’s Prayer
Sign of Peace Song ____________________________________________
(The couple will offer peace to wedding party and parents)
    *Presentation to Mary Song _____________________________________

Closing Rite
Blessing + Introduction + Dismissal
Recessional______________________________________________

*optional